It is a truth universally acknowledged,
that a figure collector in possession of a good compilation of them
must be in want of more figures LEROY DIAZ IS A JERK Let’s begin,
this is me. I have been 5 hours looking for a figure
on the Internet unsuccessfully. And I am forced to confess that my hopes
of finding something interesting disappeared while execrable figures
were appearing in e-bay. Until I found it. As an olfactory reminder, it struck my brain violently.
I was staring at the picture of one of the few preserved figures of
Siegfried, the aryan an unsuccessful ruse of Goebbels to copy
the commercial phenomenon of Superman and thus to let the racist indoctrination of
his young followers of the Hitler Youth. The first and only nazi superhero in history
perfectly preserved mint in box. Box: near mint Figure: used, no cape
Final grade: C-7 Conclusion: excellent You know, I get very horny
with action figure collectors. Especially, with all those with a sense
of irony as developed as you have. I know. But I had a decisive factor:
my economic hardships. Grandma!
Can you lend me 3,000 euro? Fuck you! I won’t pay for your whims!
You are thirty-something, Find a job! And at the risk of being repetitive,
I will remind you that the Xavier Kuckman octagonal system
will allow you to make profit from one, two, three, four, five, six,
seven and eight different corners making money with
each one of them! You will agree when I say
that this is what beats any other business
telephone system. But not only will this ensure you a peaceful
existence with all the people you love, but also the chance of looking down on
those who thought you would be a nobody. Dear friends, this incredibly funny
4-hour course about the victorious Kluckman system
is over now. But now I can say that here begins
a new era in your life. The time of receiving large amounts of money
for no physical or intellectual job! Look into my eyes,
look into my eyes and repeat: abundance is my goal! Abundance is my goal! Very good, future names of the Forbes list!
Now come here, sign these checks for me and you will be on the right track. Dude, this job is a scam. It is, but it works for me. Oh, Swami, you that know
everything, tell me: do I have to take
this annoying job? YES Could you be
more specific? You won’t believe it.
-Have you found anything, honey? No, it’s incredible that we can’t find
a babysitter for tonight. The dinner with my boss is in two hours
and we both have to go. We must silence the rumors
about my homosexuality! Don’t worry, dear, you will be promoted.
I still have some names on the agenda. Insolvent families,
a challenge to beat. Sorry, honey.
-They can’t come, can they? No, sorry, dear.
I will stay here with the kid. Pick it up! Maybe the babysitter
has changed her plans! Hello?
-Podex residence? Yes, correct. Good afternoon. I call to inform you
that you have been chosen from a really large number of families
because you have been considered the most suitable to enjoy
our fantastic offer. Who is calling? Wait, but what
do you offer us? Have you ever heard of
the octagonal sale? It’s a kind of telemarketing.
I’m sorry, we are not interested in … Wait a minute, please,
thanks. Honey, don’t you see?
It’s an act of God. Now we are in contact with the man
that will look after our son. Are you offering me to leave
Tomasin with a stranger? He’s not just
a stranger. He’s someone who accepted
a job of telemarketer because of his personal
tragedy and desperation. Someone in his situation is a… Wage slave. Are you interested in looking after a child
for 30 euro an hour? Well, Leroy, we will be back in two or three hours.
You know where the fridge is. There are some movies next to the piano.
If you need anything, just call this number. And be patient with him, he’s a little naughty
but he is a nice child. Come on, hurry up.
Bye,honey! Goodbye! Tomasín, would you like
to watch a film? Tomasín, where the fuck
are you going? Ok, you wanted to go to the toilet…
If you need help… I will play a film, right? Bastard child! “Shambo’s Great Adventure” Tomasín, what do you prefer:
“Shambo’s Great Adventure” or “Shambo, Shambo, Shambo”? Tomasín, thanks for ignoring me.
What the fuck are you doing in the kitchen? I will play “Shambo’s Great Adventure”.
The other one it’s a cheesy episode compilation Thanks, Tomasín. I’m very thirsty.
It’s “Shambo’s Great Adventure” I hope I like it. I hope Tomasín is well.
We have never come so late. We have to pay more than
300 euros to the babysitter. Well, it seems that you have a
child inside your body. But how the hell is this possible?
It’s nonsense. Why on earth did anyone want to
get a child into my body? Tomasín is a very
naughty child. Wait, do you think
this is a prank? But look at me! Come on,
don’t panic! I have a kind of dark and evil
autistic child walking in my entrails and you ask me to be calm!
When are you going to take it out? Two months? Two months! Two months!
Are you crazy? Get the boy out of here!
How is he going to be fed? It wouldn’t be logical!
Of course it would be logical! But do you really think that I am going
to look after this parasite for all this time? Well, according to your medical record,
you have been a parasite to your grandma for more than
thirty years. What kind
of medical record is this? Listen, essentially, you have to look after
this child for two months, then we will remove him so you can return to
your computer pariah sad existence. The medical record
says that too? Yes! Do you have at least
a lollipop? No! Victory! Physical victory! Well, the big day
has arrived. Believe it or not , but I finally learned
to love this little child. At first I thought that he was
a cancer who defecated in my body. But finally I realized that
he was a part of me… Come on , shut up and
don’t be silly. Yes!
The operation has been a success! We have also discovered a
gangrenous tumor in your stomach. You would have died if we hadn’t
removed it so quickly! I’m so full of joy that I will forgive
that you couldn’t find the tumor when I had to go
for the x-rays before! Of course you will. Hello. Hi, Leroy.
How are you? Great,
they discharged me yesterday. Nice to hear that, Leroy.
We want to apologize: we didn’t visit you at the hospital.
We were very busy doing any other things. Don’t worry, I understand.
By the way, what about Tomasín? He’s alive and quiet. Nice, nice. We can’t thank you enought for all,
you are fantastic. No, no. I have to thank you to
connect me with my inner child. Leroy, undoubtedly, you are
the best person I ever met. No, please… Well. We will let you rest.
Sure you need it. We’ll talk, ok? Bye… Wait, what about the salary
that we agreed for baby-sitting your child? You owe me thousands of euros! But we don’t have so much money.
-We had an agreement! We are having serious financial difficulties.
You can’t do this to us! Fuck you! You didn’t have to carry
your son inside your body for two months. I will take you to court if you refuse
to pay the sums of money you owe me. Then, sue us! I know that law is fair
with good people like us! I sentence you to pay the sum of
44,659 euros to Leroy Díaz for the two months that this man has
been looking after your child, according to your agreement
of 30 euros per hour. And besides, you will have to pay a fine
of 20,000 euros for letting your child operate on the claimant
without his permission. May God take pity on
your bankrupt lives! At least it belongs
to me now… Let’s check